You realize sometimes by stirring up the past you find new things.....that your step-dad's mother passed away, how much you miss your Aunt......how much you miss your "sister"....etc etc. As this new year has come into being, I realize that I've never really fit into my family. So it's only logical as the new year begins that I create my own new memories, and enjoy the people who want me around.
God Bless,
Aprill
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Prayers, Guidance and Guilt.
As many of you know, Brian's mother, Linda, My God-mother, had emergency back surgery last friday on August 10th. (Prayer part) She was unable to do very simple things after the surgery (hello, they cut into her spinal cord!), but Brian and I were there to help, as were some of Linda's friends. She is recovering and was doing a lot better when we left Friday night (8.17.07). Our flight was delayed, and we got home about an hour and half later than I expected/hoped. Linda keeps thanking me, and I just think everytime, you would have done the same for me. She's been really amazing, and been there through some stuff, and trust me, shes an amazing lady. (thats the guidance part.)
As for the (guilt part), I haven't been to church in almost a month. Between being exhausted from work and not even able to stay awake on the ride home, from emergency back surgery, I haven't been to confession or church in a month. It comes to that point when you realize a few things...like they say, the longer you are away, the more you can justify it and not go again, or the more you realize that you are taking the wrong steps and need to get back to it.
I'm on the latter side of that. I really can't wait to go back to church tomorrow, and go to confession. Thank the LORD He gave us that sacrement, and all His love and graces. Right now, I am sure I will have a pretty heavy penance, or perhaps, I have made it worse than it seems....
Anyway, back to work :) This 10 minute break was fun, I'll do it more often...*smiles*
As for the (guilt part), I haven't been to church in almost a month. Between being exhausted from work and not even able to stay awake on the ride home, from emergency back surgery, I haven't been to confession or church in a month. It comes to that point when you realize a few things...like they say, the longer you are away, the more you can justify it and not go again, or the more you realize that you are taking the wrong steps and need to get back to it.
I'm on the latter side of that. I really can't wait to go back to church tomorrow, and go to confession. Thank the LORD He gave us that sacrement, and all His love and graces. Right now, I am sure I will have a pretty heavy penance, or perhaps, I have made it worse than it seems....
Anyway, back to work :) This 10 minute break was fun, I'll do it more often...*smiles*
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Rawr-slightly discouraged today.
I love CF, really I do, but today RAWR. I'm about at my wits end trying to defend the TLM and the crazy misconceptions and people taking what I say the wrong way.
THE TLM ISN'T ALL IN LATIN. RAWR! The readings are repeated in English as well as the Homily is in English. Why do people think that you'd be so lost and the Church wouldn't want you to understand whats going on? That's just a bit silly.
Anyway, as I sit here writing this I realize its just a forum, and I'm probably too worked up, but however, I will still stand up for what I believe in.
THE TLM ISN'T ALL IN LATIN. RAWR! The readings are repeated in English as well as the Homily is in English. Why do people think that you'd be so lost and the Church wouldn't want you to understand whats going on? That's just a bit silly.
Anyway, as I sit here writing this I realize its just a forum, and I'm probably too worked up, but however, I will still stand up for what I believe in.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Am I slacking or what?!
Another month goes by before I post again. It's not because I don't want to write, its merely because sometimes I preoccupied with many things going on in my life. However, my last meeting with Father Fryar inspired me. He has asked me to help/assitant teach and possibly later teach the Catechism class. This is very amazing for me because I am really in a way just beginning my Catholic journey (who knew after 2 years of studying that it would only continue).
I feel better now, I really do, about life, about myself, and most of all about my faith. I wasn't always really proud because I didn't feel like I knew enough, I still don't but I WANT to learn. I haven't had this much passion towards anything in a long time in my life, and it couldn't have happened with a better reason!
I really am in a place right now where not only am I learning more about my faith, I'm in a position where people are asking me questions....which is not only amazing to me, because I'm still learning, but it is also a teaching learning that I'm learning. By them asking me these different questions ( I had much different questions), I am not only learning more about my faith (and loving it) but exploring new areas of my faith!
This is so amazing! I am so grateful for Father Fryar, Father Jim, Brian and all my Catholic CF friends who have been supportive and helping me learn.
The new CF may not be anything close to what it used to be in a way but in another way it made me more active and that is why I am learning! So in a way I'm glad. (Although, in another way Catholics bashing other Catholics for going with the church is a bit obsecure...).
Anyway for now, I PROMISE to write more! I'm off to work some worky work stuff ;)
Peace be with you and your family!
I feel better now, I really do, about life, about myself, and most of all about my faith. I wasn't always really proud because I didn't feel like I knew enough, I still don't but I WANT to learn. I haven't had this much passion towards anything in a long time in my life, and it couldn't have happened with a better reason!
I really am in a place right now where not only am I learning more about my faith, I'm in a position where people are asking me questions....which is not only amazing to me, because I'm still learning, but it is also a teaching learning that I'm learning. By them asking me these different questions ( I had much different questions), I am not only learning more about my faith (and loving it) but exploring new areas of my faith!
This is so amazing! I am so grateful for Father Fryar, Father Jim, Brian and all my Catholic CF friends who have been supportive and helping me learn.
The new CF may not be anything close to what it used to be in a way but in another way it made me more active and that is why I am learning! So in a way I'm glad. (Although, in another way Catholics bashing other Catholics for going with the church is a bit obsecure...).
Anyway for now, I PROMISE to write more! I'm off to work some worky work stuff ;)
Peace be with you and your family!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
It's been too long since I posted:
Well yesterday was my baptism, confirmation and first communion. I know, that's a loaded statement, and I will elaborate. First some rather disturbing news came my way this morning. My dad called and told me, this guy I used to date, named Brad, has brian cancer. It was most disturbing but brought me to the realization that yesterday was even more beautiful and precious now, realizing again how short life really is. So please put him in your prayers.
Okay elaboration of the most beautiful and powerful thing that has ever happened to me. I was very nervous, so nervous I was shaking, and everyone was really reassured me, but it was still nerve racking for me. Before the ceremony, at home, I began to pray at our alter, and I asked for a blessing on this day and for strength and all the graces and beauty associated with these sacraments.
At the church, Father began the ceremony, and I nervously stumbled over the simple, Our Fathers I had to say, including Father having to prompt me. As it continued, I began to have trouble not crying. As I said the words, I do renounce him, I began t o realize that this was all very real, and that I in my heart could not have imagined such an overwhelming presence. I was being watched, not just by the people but by Christ himself, it seemed. As we continued on, and I was prostrating, I felt compelled to ask for forgiveness, and to thank Christ for what he has done. It was most humbling to be laying on the ground and to look up and see the crucifix above you, looking at you so powerfully.
As we continued and I was anointed with water, and oils and thumbs, it was overwhelming the presence that I felt. As the water was poured over my head, I felt as if my entire body had water poured down it cascading over me, and washing me. I felt and inner peace that is still in me at the moment. As we finished the baptism, I realized with the hands of my two God Parents-Linda and Brian M. that I am loved, and that God loves me.
At the confirmation, I was still nervous, I wanted to be perfect in the eyes of the Lord, I wanted to be nothing less than what he needs me to be. At confirmation I felt affirmed that I am a solider of Christ, and that I will have a new bigger destiny ahead of me. As Linda's hand was on my shoulder, *smiles*, I felt another invisible hand on my other. Unexplainable perfection.
As we did a "mini" mass, I guess you can call it that, Father Fryar showed us in the missial, and it was the Feast day of St. Peter and St. Paul. As Brian showed me the words from the Gospel, I realized that this day was perfect, that this day honoring the beginning of Catholicism, is my day to be honored in the beginning of my journey with Catholicism.
I told Brian this later, but at my first communion, I tasted flesh. I did not taste a "cracker." I'll tell you the same thing I told him, perhaps it was merely because I wanted it to, but I felt the presence, and I felt the graces showering on me. Perhaps, like I said, it's because I wanted it, I needed to feel it, but for me tasting of communion was a most sacred and beautiful thing.
Anyway, if you have questions or want more details let me know...this was truly an amazing blessing from God.
Pax,
Aprill Anne
Okay elaboration of the most beautiful and powerful thing that has ever happened to me. I was very nervous, so nervous I was shaking, and everyone was really reassured me, but it was still nerve racking for me. Before the ceremony, at home, I began to pray at our alter, and I asked for a blessing on this day and for strength and all the graces and beauty associated with these sacraments.
At the church, Father began the ceremony, and I nervously stumbled over the simple, Our Fathers I had to say, including Father having to prompt me. As it continued, I began to have trouble not crying. As I said the words, I do renounce him, I began t o realize that this was all very real, and that I in my heart could not have imagined such an overwhelming presence. I was being watched, not just by the people but by Christ himself, it seemed. As we continued on, and I was prostrating, I felt compelled to ask for forgiveness, and to thank Christ for what he has done. It was most humbling to be laying on the ground and to look up and see the crucifix above you, looking at you so powerfully.
As we continued and I was anointed with water, and oils and thumbs, it was overwhelming the presence that I felt. As the water was poured over my head, I felt as if my entire body had water poured down it cascading over me, and washing me. I felt and inner peace that is still in me at the moment. As we finished the baptism, I realized with the hands of my two God Parents-Linda and Brian M. that I am loved, and that God loves me.
At the confirmation, I was still nervous, I wanted to be perfect in the eyes of the Lord, I wanted to be nothing less than what he needs me to be. At confirmation I felt affirmed that I am a solider of Christ, and that I will have a new bigger destiny ahead of me. As Linda's hand was on my shoulder, *smiles*, I felt another invisible hand on my other. Unexplainable perfection.
As we did a "mini" mass, I guess you can call it that, Father Fryar showed us in the missial, and it was the Feast day of St. Peter and St. Paul. As Brian showed me the words from the Gospel, I realized that this day was perfect, that this day honoring the beginning of Catholicism, is my day to be honored in the beginning of my journey with Catholicism.
I told Brian this later, but at my first communion, I tasted flesh. I did not taste a "cracker." I'll tell you the same thing I told him, perhaps it was merely because I wanted it to, but I felt the presence, and I felt the graces showering on me. Perhaps, like I said, it's because I wanted it, I needed to feel it, but for me tasting of communion was a most sacred and beautiful thing.
Anyway, if you have questions or want more details let me know...this was truly an amazing blessing from God.
Pax,
Aprill Anne
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The day is getting closer...
As the day of the baptism gets closer and closer, I am more affirmed in my choice. Little things tell me that I am on the right path...and that's a beautiful thing.
It's 5fricken in the morning! I should probably go to sleep, but the need to type and think overcome me when I lay down! Nothing profound coming to mind and no epiphanies... As the day approaches I do see more of my life in a different light. I see my future, instead of just right now. *Yawn* Oy, sleep now comes to me, when I am on the verge of purging my soul of these thoughts that were a few hours ago tormenting me from slumber. My future awaits a beauty that I have not foreseen, and that I even now, can't completely comprehend. I see this as a beginning of a journey...like I am at a fork in the road, and I am finally making a choice to be an adult. I know I am 23 years old, but for the first time in my life I realize how little responsibility I have taken for my actions. I am truly in a state of repentance. No more excuses, and no more blaming others.
This again brings me to my next revelation. I am a jealous and insecure person, which before this relationship, I would have said insecure but never jealous. But here I am at 5 am contemplating things I have been reassured a million times. This ring on my finger is a promise...a beautiful promise, and I need to see that when I look at it. And, most of all, no matter how vain, I am pretty! I am not ugly! I am a beautiful person. I need to act differently. The world is not a chore, the world is a beautiful place of God's creation!
I can not keep my eyes open any longer...*passes out*
Peace be with you and your spirit!
It's 5fricken in the morning! I should probably go to sleep, but the need to type and think overcome me when I lay down! Nothing profound coming to mind and no epiphanies... As the day approaches I do see more of my life in a different light. I see my future, instead of just right now. *Yawn* Oy, sleep now comes to me, when I am on the verge of purging my soul of these thoughts that were a few hours ago tormenting me from slumber. My future awaits a beauty that I have not foreseen, and that I even now, can't completely comprehend. I see this as a beginning of a journey...like I am at a fork in the road, and I am finally making a choice to be an adult. I know I am 23 years old, but for the first time in my life I realize how little responsibility I have taken for my actions. I am truly in a state of repentance. No more excuses, and no more blaming others.
This again brings me to my next revelation. I am a jealous and insecure person, which before this relationship, I would have said insecure but never jealous. But here I am at 5 am contemplating things I have been reassured a million times. This ring on my finger is a promise...a beautiful promise, and I need to see that when I look at it. And, most of all, no matter how vain, I am pretty! I am not ugly! I am a beautiful person. I need to act differently. The world is not a chore, the world is a beautiful place of God's creation!
I can not keep my eyes open any longer...*passes out*
Peace be with you and your spirit!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Tiny Differences:
So the changing news, it was stupid, so thanks for your prayers! Well I was talking to Brian the other night, and I was thinking, for now until I'm a little bit more stable in my job and life, that I could at least say one rosary a day just for the ladies considering abortion. It's something small but it could reallly help. The power fo prayer is amazing.
So, this week at my meeting we talked about the kingdom of God. The three churches that coinside as one, The Triumphant (Heaven), The Suffering(Pergatory), and the church on Earth (The name escapes me right now.) So, therefor we all have to work together, praying to the saints, for the souls in pergatory, and for people here who are suffering. Grace and prayers! (Mmm Catholicism?) Anyway, really just take a minute to say something as simple as a Our Father, or a Hail Mary, everyday!
*more later*
Aprill
*Back* This is from an email that was forwarded to me but I like it so read it!
So, this week at my meeting we talked about the kingdom of God. The three churches that coinside as one, The Triumphant (Heaven), The Suffering(Pergatory), and the church on Earth (The name escapes me right now.) So, therefor we all have to work together, praying to the saints, for the souls in pergatory, and for people here who are suffering. Grace and prayers! (Mmm Catholicism?) Anyway, really just take a minute to say something as simple as a Our Father, or a Hail Mary, everyday!
*more later*
Aprill
*Back* This is from an email that was forwarded to me but I like it so read it!
Dear God: Why didn't you save the school children at
Moses Lake,Washington 2/2/96
Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97
Pearl , Mississippi 10/1/97
West Paducah , Kentucky 12/1/97
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97
Jonesboro , Arkansas 3/24/98
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98
Fayetteville , Tennessee 5/19/98
Springfield , Oregon 5/21/98
Richmond , Virginia 6/15/98
Littleton , Colorado 4/20/99
Taber , Alberta , Canada 5/28/99
Conyers , Georgia 5/20/99Deming , New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson , Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee , California 3/ 5/01
El Cajon , California 3/22/01
Sincerely,
Concerned Student
Dear Concerned Student
I am not allowed in schools.
Sincerely,
God
***************************************************************
How did this get started?...
Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained she didn't want any prayer in our schools. And we said, OK.
Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says 'thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself,' And we said, OK...
Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehaved because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem. And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore..
Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued. And we accepted their reasoning..
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said, that's a grand idea...
Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said, that's another great idea..
Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. And we said, it doesn't matter what anybodydoes in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good....
And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet. And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech....
And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex... And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes.. And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves
why our children have no conscience,
why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves.
Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out. I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...
We Reap WHAT WE SOW!
Moses Lake,Washington 2/2/96
Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97
Pearl , Mississippi 10/1/97
West Paducah , Kentucky 12/1/97
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97
Jonesboro , Arkansas 3/24/98
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98
Fayetteville , Tennessee 5/19/98
Springfield , Oregon 5/21/98
Richmond , Virginia 6/15/98
Littleton , Colorado 4/20/99
Taber , Alberta , Canada 5/28/99
Conyers , Georgia 5/20/99Deming , New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson , Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee , California 3/ 5/01
El Cajon , California 3/22/01
Sincerely,
Concerned Student
Dear Concerned Student
I am not allowed in schools.
Sincerely,
God
***************************************************************
How did this get started?...
Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained she didn't want any prayer in our schools. And we said, OK.
Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says 'thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself,' And we said, OK...
Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehaved because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem. And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore..
Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued. And we accepted their reasoning..
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said, that's a grand idea...
Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said, that's another great idea..
Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. And we said, it doesn't matter what anybodydoes in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good....
And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet. And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech....
And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex... And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes.. And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves
why our children have no conscience,
why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves.
Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out. I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...
We Reap WHAT WE SOW!
*******************************************************************************
I thought that was really awesome! Seriously children get a way with so much! Anyway, gotta get ready for Mass! (w00t). But, really fast, the wedding yesterday was so beautiful and really affirmed everything! Not to mention Brian and I talked about getting married and it has to be the LATIN mass! (Soooo pretty!!! I cried!))
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