As the day of the baptism gets closer and closer, I am more affirmed in my choice. Little things tell me that I am on the right path...and that's a beautiful thing.
It's 5fricken in the morning! I should probably go to sleep, but the need to type and think overcome me when I lay down! Nothing profound coming to mind and no epiphanies... As the day approaches I do see more of my life in a different light. I see my future, instead of just right now. *Yawn* Oy, sleep now comes to me, when I am on the verge of purging my soul of these thoughts that were a few hours ago tormenting me from slumber. My future awaits a beauty that I have not foreseen, and that I even now, can't completely comprehend. I see this as a beginning of a journey...like I am at a fork in the road, and I am finally making a choice to be an adult. I know I am 23 years old, but for the first time in my life I realize how little responsibility I have taken for my actions. I am truly in a state of repentance. No more excuses, and no more blaming others.
This again brings me to my next revelation. I am a jealous and insecure person, which before this relationship, I would have said insecure but never jealous. But here I am at 5 am contemplating things I have been reassured a million times. This ring on my finger is a promise...a beautiful promise, and I need to see that when I look at it. And, most of all, no matter how vain, I am pretty! I am not ugly! I am a beautiful person. I need to act differently. The world is not a chore, the world is a beautiful place of God's creation!
I can not keep my eyes open any longer...*passes out*
Peace be with you and your spirit!
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